Nicotine
by dinosaurjen
Summary: You think you're imperfect, flawed, but you're wrong. A poem collection. MxM
1. Nicotine

Nicotine.

Light up a cigarette

and burn it away

Watch the smoke rise as our bodies decay

We lie quiet,

frozen,

silent.

But comfortable, in our own world so private

One burns out,

throw it away.

Light up another, we'll both die some day.

I'm poisoned each hour,

each day,

each minute.

But still, I'd give the world not to end it

My cigarette burns

Bright red

in the dark

You think you're imperfect,

flawed,

but you're wrong.

Not a scratch on your skin

But a scar on your face

What am I thinking?

Something's wrong with your head

I realize this now

As I lie in your bed

Nicotine in my veins

But you in my heart

Who cares what happens,

long as we don't part?

I know it ends soon,

we'll go out with a bang.

The world will keep turning,

we'll die the same day.

From suicide,

or homicide,

or our stupid mistake.

We'll lie in the dirt

As we lie tonight

With me in your arms

And you in my mind.

* * *

'Kay, so. MelloxMatt is win. Review or else Near gets punched.

And also, you lost the game. =D


	2. Bipolar

Bipolar.

Up and down

Up and down

Around in a circle we go

Like the changing seasons

You switch moods

quicker

Than I switch cigarettes

Like an actor

With different faces

Like a teenager

With different phases

Up and down

Up and down

It's a cycle that won't ever end

I live with it

daily

As you scream

then laugh

As you're happy

then sad

There are times

when you talk about

Just falling

asleep

And not waking up

I tell you

to stop

It scares me too much

You give me that look

and say "I'm okay,"

Then kick a hole in the wall

and sleep for a day

I want to say that I'm used to it

but the fact is I'm not

I love you too much

I want this

to stop

Up and down

Up and down

You won't see a doctor

You say nothing's wrong

And I think you're right

A doctor won't help

He'll just piss you off

He'd feed you some

insensible

scientific crap

Then give you some pills

And charge you for that

But that's not what's wrong

It's your own mind that's fucked

And nothing will change it

Not even good luck

* * *

Once again, review or Near gets punched. Thanks for reading~


	3. Alive

Alive.

We are alive.

And that's all that matters.

Together in the dark,

my heart beating faster

You taste like cigarettes

But your skin is so soft

Does it really matter

what I'm dreaming of?

The world could be ours

If we just worked together

But we're way too different

It'll never work,

never.

We are alive.

We have cells,

we have souls.

My body impulsive,

your lungs black as coal.

I can't stay away,

but you don't object.

You say I keep you off drugs,

I made you an addict.

I wonder in silence

As you tear me apart.

My hands in your hair,

Do I want this part?

Do I want to be your lover,

your everything,

your first?

Or am I just selfish?

I know I'm

the worst.

* * *

So, yeah. I love Mello.

Review or else I'll shank Near with a candy cane. That is possible and it is actually quite painful.


	4. Thoughts

Thoughts.

Disease.

virus.

spreading.

meaning.

feeling.

chilling.

freezing.

starting.

Passion.

fire.

burning.

fighting.

screaming.

kissing.

yelling.

teasing.

Weakness.

affection.

loving.

touching.

moving.

holding.

forgetting.

Curtains.

bullets.

firing.

bleeding.

ending.

watching.

remembering.

regretting.

Felt like doing something different. Hit or miss? Idk if I like it. :T Review, as always. Or Near gets decked in the face. Just like the halls. But with my fist instead of holly. Ciao!


	5. Masochist

Masochist

"Listen to me!"

you command

and take me violently

by the hand.

"You know better

than to ignore me."

you whisper lowly

and pull me

to your face.

The kiss

almost hurts

but i enjoy it

like a

cigarette

or even worse

a drug.

Dig your nails

into my skin,

abuse me,

misuse me,

break me,

and hate me.

As long

as I feel it.

Bite my lip,

pull my hair

just let me know

that you're there.

Scratch my face.

Leave a mark.

Go too fast.

Much too hard.

I fucking love you.

Save me, Lord.

Break me in half.

I don't care

if you beat me,

because I'll always

follow you.

As long as I feel it

on the outside

I can convince myself

that you love me

too.

* * *

This shit just keeps getting dirtier and dirtier, lol. Matsuda is trailer trash and that has nothing to do with this. But yeah, review. Or Near gets harmed, I guess.


	6. Christmas

Christmas.

I really hate

this holiday

with it's see through

hallmark values.

Kids that beg

for presents

In the store

where I buy my

cigarettes.

You insist it means

a little more

than just a day of rest.

I don't believe you.

I just hate this season

snow colder than

your eyes.

Ice only I

manage to slip on.

Trees that are just

skeletons

of their former glory.

You insist that

it's the best season.

I don't believe you.

It's a damn cold

December evening.

The heater's not on

because it's expensive

and we'd rather eat.

The door clicks open.

The wind tags along

As you step

into the room.

You're sitting next to me,

still warm from the car heater.

And suddenly we're closer

than we probably should be.

Your mouth on mine.

And I touch your face

Smooth and pale

The way it'll always be

And always has been

"Merry Christmas,"

you whisper quietly

as if you think

I care.

* * *

Merry Christmas! Thanks for the great reviews and favs! I'm also starting a new project, a LxLight fic. If you're into that pairing, go check it out. Love ya forever, Jen.


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